the business of death

My time on the job as the surviving sister who has to take care of business has been, thus far, busy and successful. I'd forgotten how all this goes; Vic and I did it for our mother in 2004 and I think I just put it out of my mind. But after two days of non-stop talking, signing, phoning, and deciding, it's almost done.

Our first stop was at the convalescent hospital where Vicky died. We picked up her belongings ~ two big bags; she must have been planning a longer stay.

Next appointment was at the mortuary to fill out a lot of forms and make decisions about the disposition of the body. Cremation. I got through it all without losing my composure; it was much harder for Tom.

But last night we went out to dinner. It was a lovely, warm night. We sat outside at a fish place, laughed and told stories and had a genuinely good time together. I was completely worn out when I got home. Grief is exhausting.

This morning we went to St. Paul's Cathedral to make arrangements for a memorial service (Friday, October 9, 4 PM.). Which hymns? What readings? Any psalms? Who will be the celebrant (Eucharist, of course)? Homilist? and so on. I haven't a clue. She left no instructions, unlike our mother who had her whole memorial orchestrated from Dearly Beloved to Amen. We did pick out the niche where her ashes will rest. Top row, one over from our mother's. There was a brief discussion about the possibility of moving mother's ashes to a different niche so they could be side-by-side. I declined; why do you think she moved to Connecticut?

The cathedral business is taken care of. Now it's the caterer for the post-service reception that's still undone but I hope to finish that tomorrow.

Tom is holding up pretty well today. Another quiet dinner tonight with more stories and memories. Does it get easier every day? I haven't had time to find out. I am going home on Sunday and that's when I'll know.